Sometimes, a season doesn't go the way we'd like. Say, for example, after a promising start, a team brutally crumbles only to climb desperately back to a place just outside the playoffs. Then we often hear talk of rebuilding, cleaning house, etc.

Now no one really means it when they say "trade the whole damn team" as far as I can tell. (Editor's Note: Except @AngryLindy) Truthfully, though I've never been a GM before, I imagine this would be both difficult and unlikely to yield good results. But if you could trade your whole damn Sabres team for a different team, would you? I'm not saying you can trade every player for a player of equal or greater value to create your dream team. That is completely unrealistic. I'm just suggesting you reach deep down into hypothetical space-time and the inner realms of your conscience to determine whether you would trade the entire Sabres roster for the entire roster of another team. 

Note: This does not include prospects. Prospects don't exist in this reality. Another note: If the word "damn" offends you, you may want to stop reading, as I will likely continue to use it before every subsequent occurrence of the word "team". If not, please continue.

Have you considered each of your 29 options very carefully? Well, so have I, and now I intend to give you a blow-by-blow of why I wouldn't trade the Sabres for any other whole damn team in the league. Today, anyway. I start with the Pacific Conference, because Anaheim is first alphabetically and because I embrace the challenge of explaining why I would not trade for a team that just won a Stanley Cup.

Anaheim Ducks: I barely wanted Bobby Ryan when it was just Bobby Ryan, and now you expect me to take the rest of the damn team? In theory, they have just as good of a "core" as we do. But the Getzlaf, Ryan, Perry line actually had 10 less points through 4 more games last season than Pomminville, Vanek, and Stafford, and none of our guys are actively asking to be shipped out. Yeah, the Ducks also have Teemu Selanne, but he's like a thousand years old. The defense is ok, and some of them have cool names like Sbisa, or a bit of talent, like Cam Fowler, but others have already had enough giveaways in a Sabres uniform, like Lydman. I actually like Jonas Hiller, but he can be as inconsistent as Getzlaf, and actually had a lower save percentage than Miller, and Miller was on a Concussion off year, so no thanks.

Phoenix Coyotes: I really don't want Raffi Torres back on my team, especially after that hit on Hossa. That was infuriating. I'm infuriated. Besides that, last year's Coyotes weren't a bad team, I guess. They won their first division title and made their first conference finals. When you run down the lines, individual player stats between the Sabres and the Coyotes are eerily similar. With Ray Whitney, point leader, off to Dallas that becomes quite skewed in the Sabres favor. If Doan doesn't re-sign with them, Vrbata's plan to sit on the goaltender's stick until someone else scores (see right) is void, since there will be no one left to score. Even if he does re-sign, while no one is a Selanne-saurus, all the offensive stars on the Coyotes are 30+. When looking to the future, 28-year-old Boyd Gordon (who?) is no Vanek, and 22-year-old, 24 point-scoring in 82 game Mikkel Boedker is no Tyler Ennis.

Los Angeles Kings: Pff. 8 Seed? Pathetic. So they won a Stanley Cup. That's great for them and all, but do you know how many teams have won back-to-back Stanley Cups since 1990? Two. Neither of those teams were 8 seeds. Anze Kopitar is good, but he's not Mario Lemieux or Steve Yzerman.  Besides the LA Kings aren't that good. They're just a team on par with the Sabres who happened to hit their stride in the playoffs. They had only one more win than the Sabres in the regular season and ranked second to last in goals per game. With such a low number of goals, the only thing that even snuck them into the playoffs was Quick's play. He led the league in shutouts with 10 and had a .929 save percentage. These are both statistics that Ryan Miller has matched. So yeah, they won a Stanley Cup, but no, I'm not going to trade my team for a team of basically the same caliber, when they have the odds of repeating stacked against them. If anything, this damn Stanley Cup-winning team gives me hope that a more healthy, consistent Sabres team next season could actually win something.

San Jose Sharks: Talk about odds against them, if the San Jose Sharks continue their trend, they will never ever ever ever (ever) win a Stanley Cup. One of the things I love about the Sabres are our depth players. Sure they weren't on the map as much as I would've liked last season, but I think we have a lot of talent behind our "core" and this season they'll step up and we'll see what they can do. While the signing of Adam Burish, who I'm a big fan of, should help their deficit at right wing, I'm still not convinced that they'll escape their consistent playoff failure anytime soon. Just looking at their horrendous playoff performance (awful PP, PK, 1 win, etc.) again this season suggests that I do not want them as my team. And the reason they struggle with depth? The Sharks seem to face a lot of injuries. Sound familiar? I would like a healthy team this year, please.

Dallas Stars: I don't want Derek Roy back. Also, Brett Hull is a cheater. I KNOW THAT'S NOT RELEVANT, BUT IT'S ALWAYS RELEVANT! (And is any of this really relevant?) As far as the actual damn team that I will NOT be trading for goes, they're not very good. They were good at hitting, but I guarantee they were better with Ott and Burish. Maybe Roysie will come into his own down in Dallas, (I mean their biggest offseason news is their ice girl auditions, eh? Eh?) but he's not enough to substantially improve an all-around mediocre team, especially when he's out until November. Not a very good start. Whitney will be a good addition, but Ribiero's out the door. As far as I can tell, Dallas's moves weren't awful, but they're mostly moving sideways, perhaps even to the high end of mediocrity! I am a big fan of good special teams, and as such, their power play causes me tangible pain. Besides, they don't have their superstar Adam Pardy anymore.